Throwback Tuesday

Today we're introducing a new element of 4DWaB - Throwback Tuesday. No, this is not a day when we wear old school Kevin McHale or Alaa Abdelnaby jerseys (although that would be awesome). Throwback Tuesdays will be a tribute to those fantastic songs that defined your childhood. For some it may be Vanilla Ice, for others Another Bad Creation. Regardless of who it was/is, Throwback Tuesday will feature them.

So without further ado, with tomorrow being April 1st, I give you the premiere installment of Throwback Tuesday:

Obvious Conclusion

See if you follow this logical chain of events. Man makes "car" out of a bar stool and a deconstructed lawn mower. Man drives said bar stool to a bar. Man drinks heavily. Man arrested for DUI.

C'mon. Did anyone not see that coming?

80s Video Friday: Take On Me

Take on me - A-ha!

Better late than never!

Things That Shouldn't Happen...

4.) Having an 18M-long penis on the roof of your house.


So this 18 year old kid from England decided that he wanted his house to be noticeable on Google Earth. I just can't decide whether his method of accomplishing this is pure genius/hilarious or if he has way too much time on his hands.

"Once you lick 'em, you're gonna love 'em!"

That's what she said.

Northrop Grumman Builds Huge-Ass Laser Gun

Ok, ok, ok. I know what you're thinking. Yes, it's a little big. Yes, it looks more restaurant refrigerator than tactical death weapon of the future. But listen to this:

A single beam reached 105.5 kW. The seven-chain JHPSSL laser demonstrator ran for more than five minutes, achieved electro-optical efficiency of 19.3 percent, reaching full power in less than 0.6 seconds, all with beam quality of better than 3.0.

Now, I have absolutely no idea what the hell any of that means but it sure sounds impressive. Try dropping that one on your cube neighbor tomorrow morning.

"You hear about Northrop and their solid-state laser beam that reached 105.5kW? Beam quality of better than 3.0, with an electro-optical efficiency of 19.3%...

(long pause)

"So, how's your bracket?"

[cnet]

Walker Told You What?!?

I realize this is old, but I was recently introduced to this clip and don't know how I had never seen it before...

Walker told me I have AIDS

80s Video Friday: Sister Christian

Night Ranger - New Music - More Music Videos

I was considering a new Friday afternoon feature for the blog. Each week to usher in the weekend I'd post an amazingly 80s video for all to enjoy as we welcome in the weekend. I was kind of on the fence about it until I sent this video to The Other Matt and it was met with this response:

[3:56 PM] THEOTHERMATT: OH FUCK. AWESOME FUCKING SONG
[3:57 PM] THEOTHERMATT: i WANT TO FUCK SOMETHING UP THIS SONG ROCKS SO HARD
[3:58 PM] THEOTHERMATT: FUCK!

Enjoy the weekend folks.

LOST Conspiracy Theory Friday

Been a little crazy here at work lately. Here's My Buddy Joe with this week's LOST recap:

This week's episode, "Namaste", does indeed pick up where "LaFleur" left off. Or slightly before. Or after. Depending on how you perceive "now" to be in the LOST timeline. We're back flying the friendly skies with Frank Lapidus and Ajira Air (Motto: "No weird disappearances by unexplained flashes since 2007!") when BAM! There’s a flash and Flight 316 is going down. Lapidus channels his inner Sully (see, I’m not always a smart-ass, sometimes I’m right) and makes one hell of a landing. (Except for getting his co-pilot speared through the chest. Oops.) Quick inventory of first class reveals that Sayid is gone, but Sun and Ben are still there. (Answers part of Question 6 from yesterday… good start…)

Flash back to 30 years ago… Wait a dern-tootin’ minute! (One of the great parts of living in the South is that you actually hear phrases like “dern-tootin’” and “a-fixin’” in regular vernacular.) I was just getting used to 3 years ago. Ok, so here’s a quick timeline recap… Oceanic 815 crashed in 2004… Locke turned the wheel and made it 1974… Three real-time years passed… The year in the real world is 2007… The year on the island is 1977. Got it? Good.

Sawyer, Jin, Jack, Kate, and Hurley have their awkward little reunion, where we learn 2 important facts: Jin’s English is 1000% better (Answer to Question 5! I am on a roll!) and its 1977 and everyone is in the Dharma Initiative. Sawyer’s plan is to blend the Big Three in with the rest of the new Dharma recruits, and have Juliet forge some paperwork. Jin takes off for the Flame Station to find the plane.

Back at the plane crash, Lapidus tries to BS everyone into thinking help is coming, but Cesar is having none of it. Ben uses Cesar’s grandstanding as an opportunity to slip away unnoticed, and Sun clumsily follows. Ben has figured out that they are on the wrong island, and knows where there is a boat to take them back to “our island”.

We’re in 1977 again, and Juliet goes to check on Amy and the baby. Amy still hasn’t questioned the fact that a mechanic delivered her baby (Question 1!!), who is named Ethan. Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, Horace’s last name is Goodspeed. Ethan’s last name was Rom. Ben is going to kill the entire Dharma initiative, so why would he spare the life of a kid?

While Jin is in the Flame, outside motion sensors go off. Hostile alert! Oh, no, its just Sayid, who Jin must pretend is a Hostile to keep the other guy from shooting him. Sayid gets locked up in the Flame to wait for LaFleur.

Ben and Sun reach the hidden boats, and, because they are on the island, Ben’s arm is miraculously healed. He’s going to row across the channel to the main island. Lapidus pops out from the jungle and implores Sun not to go with Ben. Claims Ben is some sort of bad dude, wherever he got that crazy notion from. Sun says she has no choice, and then bitch-slaps Ben with an oar. (Lesson: Don’t mess with Sun.)

Back in ’77, Pierre Chang (aka Dr. Marvin Candle) informs Jack that he will be a janitor. (Think Sawyer is screwing with him? Or is Juliet??) Juliet and Kate have a mini catfight staredown (bring on the love trapezoid!). Sawyer heads to the Flame to retrieve Sayid and take him to Dharma Gitmo.

Ok, the episode has been pretty good so far, with several of my burning questions answered, but now it gets f-ing mindblowing (Question 9!!)… Sun and Lapidus arrive at the main island to what looks like a deserted Dharma colony. But then, a solitary light comes on in the scary looking building, and the scary looking door creeps open. If this was Saw IV, Sun’s face would now melt and Lapidus would have his fingers cut off. But since its LOST, CHRISTIAN F-ING SHEPARD opens the door!!!! He shows Sun a picture of Jin in 1977 and says that she has a long journey ahead…

Jack knocks on Sawyer’s door looking for some answers, only to be met by Juliet (Question #2!!). Sawyer is inside, reading a book and thinking about how to make this situation work. Jack makes a snarky remark about the reading, to which Sawyer responds that “Winston Churchill read a book every night, even during The Blitz… helps me think… you reacted, Jack, you didn’t think… and a lot of people ended up dead.” Jack takes his verbal ass-whupping, tucks his tail between his legs and leaves. Sawyer, after making sure the door didn’t hit Jack’s ass on the way out, catches Kate outside her new digs. Definitely a love rhombus brewing.

Final scene: A kid carrying a brown-bag sandwich enters Dharma Gitmo to feed Sayid. It’s little Ben!!! Is this why elder Ben is stuck in 2007? But then why is Sun? How come Sayid got separated from the Big Three? Where is Faraday and why doesn’t anyone seem to care that he’s not there? What happened to Charles Widmore and his Others in the last 20 years? What is going to happen to the Ajira survivors? Does this whole ridiculous scenario repeat itself with new people every couple years?

WHAT'S UP, RYAN?

I'm not a huge fan of the new Snickers campaign that has created a series of rather unfunny portmanteaus that marry brand characteristics with well, fucking anything. But I am a fan of just about anything involving the unintentionally hilarious Patrick Ewing.

White Men Can't Jump

I think it's safe to say that we won't be seeing this guy in any slam dunk contests anytime soon. He'll probably make a sick accountant or science teacher one day though.

You don't get any extra points for dunking. Next time dude, just go for a lay up.

LOST Conspiracy Theory...Wednesday?

Hey folks,

Had some downtime with the Conspiracy Theory Thursday posts, so without further ado, My Buddy Joe with this week's LOST preview.

Because I did not write a LOST Conspiracy Theory Thursday recap two weeks ago (it’s a fairly long story involving a complicated April Fool’s Joke and some co-workers who F-ed up said April Fool’s Joke), here’s the first ever LOST Wednesday Afternoon Preview….

This week’s episode (entitled “Namaste”) will pick up where “LaFleur” left off. Good, because I have some burning questions I need answered:

• Will there be backlash for Juliet and her newfound skills?
• Sawyer and Juliet are getting it on?
• What did Sawyer say to Juliet to get her to stay for three years?
• What did Sawyer say to Horace to get all of them to stay for three years?
• Has Jin learned English in the last three years?
• Where the hell are Ben, Sayid, and Sun?
  Has little Ben arrived on the island? If so, do Back to the Future time travel rules come into effect?
• Are Sawyer, Kate, Jack, and Juliet going to end up in some sort of weird island love-quadrangle?
• What’s up with the week off? This episode better be F-ing mind-blowing.
• Will I write a timely recap for posting in the morning?
  

Then + Now = Awesome

Remember the good old days, when you were like 6 or 7 years old. Video games had 2 buttons. You were the coolest kid on the block for knowing that pressing up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start at the title screen for Contra gave you 30 lives. You had your very own technique of getting your Nintendo games to work, that only you could do. Your world got flipped upside down when Shawn Michaels threw his Rocker teammate Marty Jannetty through the glass window at Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake's barbershop. Riding bikes was cool. The Chicago Bulls and the Atlanta Braves continuously dominated their respective sports. Life revolved around wrestling. You had snack time to help break up the dreadful 6 hours that you had to spend at school. Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, and Kris Kross were all household names.

Man, things were so awesome back then and we never even really understood how truly awesome they were. Well, the years have flown by since those days. Video games can be easily confused for live television. There are at least 10-buttons on most controllers. The Bulls and Braves aren't even close to being the teams they once were. And thanks to cough syrup addictions and voice syntehsizers, music will never be the same.

But what happens when you combine these two, very different worlds? When you take the technology from the early 90's and the music from today and put them together?

I think it's safe to say that something pretty magical happens.

Click here to check it out for yourself...



-Props to B for sharing

Jim Cramer Gets OWNED on the Daily Show

[Video Here]

Have you ever seen Cramer against the ropes like this? Sheesh.

[via Mike Julianelle]

Woman Fakes Pregnancy with Blocks of Cheddar

In what may be the strangest story posted on the blog yet, a "pregnant woman" rushed to the hospital last month to give birth shocked doctors and staff when it was revealed that what she had passed off as a fetus for months was in fact a large block of cheese.

The woman, whom hospital administrators have refused to identify due to confidentiality rules, has a history of mental illness, according to medical records obtained from people close to the situation. Not only has she been detained in the past for public disturbances, but she has been on significant doses of anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medications for many years.

One attending doctor, speaking on the condition that they remain anonymous, remarked that it is not uncommon for some individuals to fake medical conditions in order to gain attention and financial support. Using cheese to fake a pregnancy, however, seems to be unprecedented, even among the mentally ill.

“Beyond weird,” remarked the doctor. “I don’t know how one would do it, but it must take an unwordly level of self deception to even conceive of something like this.”

What’s more, the woman had apparently registered herself at several stores for an upcoming baby shower and had been regularly consulting an obstetrician by phone.

With so much contact with others, it is unclear how she was able to keep from revealing herself for so long. According to sources familiar with the matter, all of her neighbors believed her to be pregnant, and had helped her pay her rent and shop for baby clothes and furniture.

Around 4 am on Thursday, after the woman was heard complaining loudly of severe pains outside an apartment building. Neighbors, assuming that she was in labor, took her to an emergency room where doctors uncovered a sodden and moldy mass of what they later determined to be several bricks of cheddar cheese bound together with twine.

Residents of the apartment building refused to comment, and the woman has been detained pending further psychiatric evaluation.

Shout out to ALL DAY for the lead. Article posted from MuckFlash.

3DWaB Schwag Bag: $25 Robot USB Drive

Above: Robot USB Drive assumes the "fellatio eminent" pose.

[via Pocket-Lint]

UPDATE: M.I.A. Doesn't Care About The Other Dude

From M.I.A.'s myspace (a better source doesn't exist)

"BABY NAME!
MY BABY IS NOT CALLED ICKITT, PICKIT OR LICKIT THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO ALL THE HOLLYWOOD PRESS. HES A BABY , HE DONT NEED PRESS!

I DIDNT RELEASE THE BABY NAME BECAUSE I DIDNT THINK IT WAS NEWS!!!!

BUT I WILL BE BACK WITH SOMETHING NEWS WORTHY SOON , TILL THEN GO PICK ON APPLE, SATCHEL AND MOON UNIT.

LOTS OF LOVE STICKIT!!"

And on a personal note, I kind of dug the fact that she performed 10 months pregnant at the Grammy's. That kid can legitimately claim during recess at preschool that he performed with Kanye and Jay-Z.

Things Really Aren't THAT Bad

I got this video forwarded to me and this guy really does a fantastic job of putting "life" as we know it in perspective. And contrary to what everyone may think, things really don't suck as much as everyone thinks...




Props to Al Bacon for sending this video.

"Hmmm, I think I need something in a tri-fold....AAAAHHH!!!!!"

A shopper at a Wal-Mart in Falmouth made a mysterious find on the shelves Saturday night: a wallet with a collection of human teeth in it, police said.

The man was shopping at the Teaticket Highway store just after 9:30 p.m. when he found the 10 teeth in a zippered compartment of a wallet, said Kimberly Pacheco, a clerk at the Falmouth Police Department. The teeth were determined to be from an adult; one of them had a filling, police said.

Thank God I shop at Target.

[Boston.com]

Fake Religion Tuesday - Pastafarianism

So I guess this kind of blew up in 2007, but I'm just stumbling across this gem of a fake religion now.

Pastafarians follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster (pictured), and believe that the world was created by the touch of his noodly appendage. Furthermore, they acknowledge pirates as being 'absolute divine beings', and stress that the worldwide decline in the number of pirates has directly led to global warming. Devout followers are supposed to dress up like pirates all the time.

Pastafarianism was made up by an angry man named Bobby Henderson who thought it was ridiculous to teach Intelligent Design (i.e., God made us), so he created this batshit religion and told the Kansas School Board they had to teach it too. His open letter to the school

Since then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has gained countless followers worldwide, although there are those who remain Spagnostic.

People are crazy. And, People love tattoos:

I realize the blog is oversaturated with baby animals...

But, I had to look more into baby pandas. I mean, they're everything I would never expect in a Panda.

Some research led me to learn that a newborn giant panda is about as big as a stick of butter and lacks the familiar black-and-white markings for its first month or so of life. They also appear to be the creepiest looking things I have ever seen.