Are those cantaloupes in your arms, or are you just happy to see me?

{Insert vomit noise}

I guess this guy is famous and has a few documentaries made about him, etc... I just discovered him today. And i'm pretty sure his arm is bigger than Lindsay Lohan. Gross.

Maybe He Just Really Likes Pork...

Thanks to erika

This never gets old...

Throwback Tuesday

You want it, baby, you got it.

The Swine Flu Was So 1976

Looks like we've been here before with this swine flu business.

Anybody else expect to see a Jason Voorhees cameo in these spots?

Thanks to Kerry.

[AdFreak]

Is AIG run by Asian-Americans?

Ok lady, no need for slurs here. Let's keep it classy.

Click the image for full-size.

[Yahoo]

80s Video Friday: Magic

The Cars - Magic - ASTRO-ZOMBIE

To celebrate the summer weather that's about to hit the Hub, I figured I'd go with this little nugget.

Interesting creative direction here as The Cars' frontman, the unfortunate-looking Rick Ocasek, has a weird Jesus thing going on. I don't think Jesus ever rocked a blazer like that though.

Scoreboard
Ocasek: 1
Jesus: 0

Nationals FAIL

Somebody had to have been fired over this.

[Fan IQ]

Best Action Movie of 2010: The Expendables

I'm calling it now.

It seems like there haven't been too many great action flicks in a while. Hollywood, desperate to get more cash at the box office, has lowered the bar on action movies from R to PG-13 to attract more viewers. In doing so, a substantially amount of ass has remained unkicked. Enter The Expendables.

The movie is based around a group of mercenaries who are assembled to overthrow a South American dictator. Listen to this cast:

Sylvester Stallone - Likely juiced up beyond recognition (see above).

Arnold Schwarzenegger - I hope he has a big part in this. But if he does, then who's running California?

Mickey Rourke - Did you see him The Wrestler??

Jason Statham - I don't know what it is but I can't seem to like this guy. But having said that, he might bring it if surrounded by a killer cast in a movie that he doesn't need to carry himself. Also plays a character named "Lee Christmas". Any relation to Lloyd?

Jet Li - So much for all that talk about retirement. This dude was born to kick people in the face.

Randy Couture - Maybe beating the shit out of people in real life got boring?

Dolph Lundgren - Apparently picked up the role when Van Damme turned it down because he was really focused on "acting". Seriously.

Eric Roberts - You can feel free to make your own joke here.

Rumor has it that they also tried to get Wesley Snipes but he couldn't leave the country to film due to his tax problems. They're also talking with Ben Kingsley and Forest Whitaker.

Due out April 23, 2010.

[EW.com]

Bar Enables Patrons to Get Drunk by Simply Breathing

Someone is going to win a Nobel Prize over this.

The "Alcoholic Architecture" is a pop-up bar outfitted with a misting system that allows you to breathe in gin. Please go back and read that last line again. You breathe in gin.

Hell, I'm breathing right now. I could be getting hammered! I'd call that a mist opportunity reason to go drinking after work today.

Thanks to Shannon

[Wired UK]

Ridiculous Moments in Movie History: Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise

I was flipping through the channels late last night and came across this classic. I caught the movie about halfway through. At a national greek conference in Ft. Lauderdale the hated Alpha Beta fraternity had introduced a ballot question that would establish a mandatory fitness requirement, a requirement that Lambda Lambda Lambda would surely fail.

But don't worry, the nerds had a plan.

They cleverly rigged the neon sign of the "HOTEL CORRAL ESSEX" to now read "HOT ORAL SEX". Naturally, a traffic jam occurs and pandemonium ensues as all walks of life flock in to get in on the action. However when everybody shows up the nerds put on an electronic/rap/rock concert to encourage people to vote, "no on 15!". Everyone is easily won over, and balloons are released. The nerds have done the impossible.

Wait, what?

Had legions of horny men showed up then been serenaded by a gaggle of men (NERDS mind you!), that hotel would have been burned to the fucking ground.

This scene was only slightly more ridiculous than the ending where the nerds, stranded on a desert island, discover unused military equipment and storm the hotel in Ft. Lauderdale where the greek council is voting yet again bar the "Tri-Lambs" from membership. After millions of dollars of property damage, vundernerd Lewis Skolnick punches out the Alpha Beta president and Ogre to defects to Lambda Lambda Lambda. The once enviable collective IQ of the Tri-Lamb fraternity plummets considerably.

Throwback Tuesday

The game in this video is not nearly as exciting as last night's Celtics' game, but nonetheless, it is still Throwback Tuesday...

80s Video Friday: I Ran

I Ran (so far away) - Flock Of Seagulls - Flock Of Seagulls

Ok, a little late on this one. Dedicated to all the runners on Monday who will be suffering from bleeding nipples, uncontrollable bowel movements and other wacky side effects from running 26.2 miles.

Carl Pavano Sucks, and Everybody Knows It

At the Yankees' opening day in their new stadium, closed-caption was provided on the jumbotron, so that even the hearing-impaired could following along. See below...


- Good looks Luke

Time.com Seriously Reconsidering Decision to Hire Toddlers to Help Write Online Content

Actual screenshot taken from Time.com website today. Note the link at the bottom.

[Time.com]

Breaking News: Ainge Suffers Heart Attack

On the same day it's announced that Kevin Garnett will miss the playoffs, Celtics GM Danny Ainge suffers a heart attack. Wow. It sounds like a minor one so hopefully he will be ok. Here's to a speedy recovery.

[Boston.com]

LOST Conspiracy Theory Thursday

This LCTT is brought to you by Overheard in New York

That Jerk Never Returns My Calls

Girl #1: This whole Ben situation is really starting to piss me off.
Girl #2: I know! I just don't know what his deal is.
Girl #1: He called me like twelve times yesterday.
Girl #2 (stopping in the middle of Penn Station): He called you? (pauses for a moment) Oh, you mean Ben your boyfriend, don't you?
Girl #1: As opposed to?
Girl #2: Ben from Lost.
Girl #1: Don't talk to me for an hour, please.

Throwback Tuesday

Can we kick it? No. Can we rock? Absolutely...




And since I missed last week...

Isn't That How Domino's Makes All of Their Food?

I don't know what the big fuss is all about, isn't that just standard operating procedure? Do people really order Domino's sober? In college it was the only place that stayed open until 4:00am. It was the only option by attrition.

[Ad Age]

How I stumbled upon the fact that Geremi Gonzalez died (via photos)...

http://sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Geremi_Gonzalez

Cat Steals Clothes (and News Reporter's Dignity)

A northern Idaho woman says she has a problem pet. She says her one-year-old cat is burglarizing neighbor's clothing.

"It's his fetish. He collects clothing mainly at night," owner Judy Waring said. Waring's one-year-old feline named Jack started stealing clothing in October, CBS station KCNC-TV reported.

As the belongings started piling up, Waring said she no longer felt comfortable staying quiet about her pet's habit. Hats, shorts, underwear and 27 pairs of gloves are among the personal items Jack has nabbed.

Warning said she put all the clothing out on a clothesline in front of her house and encouraged her neighbor's to claim it.

Warning said she is not sure what she will do to curb Jack's habit. She may hire a pet psychic to come evaluate Jack.

Ok, worst part of this story. Some entry-level news anchor had to interview a woman about her thieving cat, and keep it together. Not only are you interviewing a crazy cat lady, but she references her cat's "fetish" and hints at hiring a psychic. How pissed are you that this is the story that goes big for you - not some great investigative reporting piece you spent months on... an interview with a cat lady.

ps - this cat is pretty awesome.

80s Video Friday: Working for the Weekend

Loverboy - Working For The Weekend - Loverboy

Blogging on my day off, felt this was appropriate.

Sox Win! 5-3!

The Sox are on pace to go 162-0! Pedroia and Varitek on pace set the new HR mark with 162!

AAAHHHH!!!

Opening Day! Sox Already Up 1-0!

Baseball is BACK! My excitement is conveyed through the dance in this video.

German Mench Pays Neighbor to Impregnate Wife, Fails on Multiple Levels

In Stuttgart, Germany, a court judge must decide on a case of honorable intentions in a situation where a man hired his neighbor to get his wife pregnant.

It seems that Demetrius Soupolos, 29, and his former beauty queen wife, Traute, wanted a child badly, but Demetrius was told by a doctor that he was sterile.

So, Soupolos, after calming his wife’s protests, hired his neighbor, Frank Maus, 34, to impregnate her. Since Maus was already married and the father of two children, plus looked very much like Soupolos to boot, the plan seemed good.

Soupolos paid Maus $2,500 for the job and for three evenings a week for the next six months, Maus tried desperately, a total of 72 different times, to impregnate Traute.

When his own wife objected, he explained, “I don’t like this any more than you. I’m simply doing it for the money. Try and understand.”

When Traute failed to get pregnant after six months, however, Soupolos was not understanding and insisted that Maus have a medical examination, which he did.

The doctor’s announcement that Maus was also sterile shocked everyone except his wife, who was forced to confess that Maus was not the real father of their two children.

Now Soupolos is suing Maus for breach of contract in an effort to get his money back, but Maus refuses to give it up because he said he did not guarantee conception, but only that he would give an honest effort.

72 times?? Enough is enough.

Thinking about it a little further though, it doesn't quite add up. Three nights a week for six months is actually 78 appointments/meetings/visits/lancings. What happened those other six times?

Furthermore, Maus is giving Soupolos one hell of a deal. 72 sessions for $2,500 breaks down to only $34.72 per visit. That's about half of your average trip to the Champagne Room at the Foxy. And I bet this guy even got some sauerkraut out of the deal too.

[BuzzFeed]

80s Video Friday: Easy Lover

Easy Lover - Philipp Bailey Duet with Phil Collins

Interesting premise here: It's a video about the making of a video...go on...

To say that this video is an exercise in contrast is an understatement. From the moment the duet kicks off you have Philip Bailey with a stylish-unkempt, lounge-act swagger signing in unison with Phil Collins who looks so stuffy and wooden I was expecting him to burst into flames.

Then we have the production crew scrambling to put together the set for the video shoot. The artists' helicopter is landing and you're still painting the fucking set? Somebody's ass got fired after this. It's one thing to screw up a video shoot, it's an entirely different thing to screw up a fictitious video shoot.

Watch the 1:10 mark when Phil comes out of the door. Who walks like that? I had to re-watch that bit five times, each time in total disbelief.

1:18 - Get it? A black a white picture? Moving on...

3:04 - Here we have the classic black-guy-teaching-a-white-guy-to-dance, which is always entertaining and...wait, what the hell was that?? Did Phil Collins really just do that? Is that some sort of nervous tick? That was rather uncomfortable.

The Other Dude: 3:24 - Did he just button those unbottonable buttons on a suit jacket?

All in all, a pretty decent 80s video to kick off the weekend. Definitely one that will get stuck in your head just in time for the commute home.

"She's an easy lover..."

3DWaB Movie Preview: The Haunting in Connecticut

Now after watching the above video, Carmen Reed might be completely nuts. I mean, Christ, look at her in that still above. Hell, the entire family might be batshit crazy. But having lived in Connecticut I can vouch that there is nothing to do down there. If I was a ghost, I'd scare the living shit out of a perfectly normal family too.

Electrical Mishap Injures Two at Downtown Crossing

A spark in a battery room released a cloud of smoke this morning at Macy's in Downtown Crossing, injuring two people, a fire official said.

Firefighters responded with a hazardous materials team to what was originally described as a battery explosion on the fourth floor, according to Steve MacDonald, a spokesman for the Boston Fire Department. Officials vented fourth, fifth, and sixth floors to release the smoke created by the spark. The situation was under control within 90 minutes.

Boom! April Fool'd! Only one person was injured!

[Boston.com]